Sex in the City Uncovered, Chapter 3

Looking for Love in Mr. Right

What girl hasn’t done this?!?!

Last week, I talked a little bit about how we try to satisfy a longing or a “thirst” that we have with different things.  This week, we are going to focus on how we, as women, try to satisfy this longing or thirst through a man.

On page 49, Marian talks about how women come into a relationship hoping to feel like they belong to someone.  We want someone to make us feel wanted, special, needed, and desired.  We look to this guy for acceptance.  I love how Marian states on page 49, “We hope the nagging questions about our worth, our lovability, and all those pesky self-doubts will be removed with the mere presence of another.”

How many times have we heard ourselves or a girlfriend say (something like), “if only I could find a guy… then I’d be happy??”

So many of us look for our acceptance and who we are in a man.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I think relationships are WONDERFUL.  They are one of God’s greatest gifts to us.  However, when we try to look to a man to complete us and take the place of God in our lives, then we run into trouble.

Let’s go back to our or our girlfriends’ statement, ‘if only I could find a guy…’.  How many of us have gotten the relationship with that guy just to end up feeling as lonely or as incomplete as we did before??  Why is this?  We don’t feel loved, wanted, special, or desired.  Many women even take this into their marriages.  Marian states, “And even if there is a head on the pillow next to ours, we can still feel completely alone.”

We look to our man to fill the thirst we have in our soul.  We look for them to make us feel accepted, complete, and to banish all our insecurities.  Can they do this??  I propose NO.

This disillusionment and huge burden we are placing on men to fill this spot in our souls can lead to devastating results if not addressed.  Let us always remember ladies that we are sinners, and so are our husbands/boyfriends.  No one can make you feel whole except your Creator.  Now, I’m not saying that men shouldn’t be concerned with making their lady feel secure, loved, and accepted…that is a whole other subject.  Ladies, just know that as long as your soul is searching for God, you will never feel complete.  No romance, no guy, no relationship will ever satisfy you until your soul finds rest in God.

So is it wrong for us to desire to get married or desire a relationship??  Absolutely not!

Marian speaks to this on page 54 and 55 very well.  She states that God’s original design for us was to be in a relationship with Him where He fills our needs for security, confidence, and unconditional love.   However, God also designed us to be in a relationship with one another.  God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, and he created Eve for Adam.  God created and performed the very first marriage right there in the Garden!  His perfect plan includes marriage between one man and one woman!

After sin entered the world, it disrupted the harmony not only between Adam and Eve, but also between man and God.  This is why we are left with insecurities and the feeling of being incomplete.  Until we allow God to fill that empty ache in our hearts and souls, we will continue to be insecure, anxious, and in pain.

Many women think that if they get married then this emptiness and the need to feel wanted and loved will go away.  They think that if only they could get married, then they would be happy.  Marian puts it very bluntly to us on page 60, “The simple truth is, marriage doesn’t make you happy; it just makes you married.”  This is so true!  We can not expect another sinner to fill this empty spot in our hearts that is only designed for God to fill.

So what does a Godly relationship look like?  It is when you and your significant other have already found the ultimate love your hearts yearned for in Jesus Christ.  You now look at each other as gifts from God to live life together, to sacrificially love and serve one another, and to glorify God in your relationship.  You aren’t, as Marian puts it, two incomplete halves hoping to other would somehow make them feel whole, nor are you parasites trying to suck life out of someone else, nor are you looking to another person to make you feel complete.

God intends for us to have healthy and happy marriages and relationships, but you can not do that if you are incomplete in Him.

If you haven’t already, make sure you check out previous chapters:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Hope you all have had a wonderful weekend!


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